Dr. Fauci’s Guide to Spoiling Your Thanksgiving Dinner

With Thanksgiving upon us this week, it’s important to note the many ways you have as a host to make sure your guests don’t have a good time. First and foremost, be sure to ask everyone about their immunization status early on and often. Ask it frequently and pose it out loud. Require a signed affidavit and affidavit. In fact, ask every guest from birth for a complete vaccination record just to be sure. It’s better to over-prepare than to be overconfident and remain vulnerable. It sounds like a bit of satire, but it’s not far from the truth. There are guides and articles circulating all over the place right now explaining how to welcome unvaccinated second-class parents to your Thanksgiving meal. In fact, you probably shouldn’t, according to health experts, it’s too risky.

There are, however, ways to mitigate your risk and greatly offend your guests at the same time, which could be a win-win if you are hoping to exclude a certain group of in-laws that you don’t really like anyway:

Dr. Michelle Barron, senior medical director of infection prevention and control at the University of Colorado Health, has some tips for hosts of Turkey Day this year. “Have an honest conversation with the person who’s coming and you can decide whether or not it’s something that will dictate who comes or who doesn’t,” suggested Dr Barron. “Be direct and honest and say, ‘These are the rules of my house, like any rules we have when we have company.’ And people can decide whether it works for them or not.

According to Dr. Barron, there are several ways to approach this with guests. “You can ask them to make sure they have no symptoms and really no symptoms. No runny nose that they think is allergies or a sore throat that they think is related to allergies or can. -Be not drinking enough fluids, you can ask them about symptoms.There are home tests available.

Have an honest conversation with your guests about their immunization status? It should be okay. There are a lot of people vaccinated against Covid who don’t feel like it’s anyone’s business to write down their health records.

Here’s another tip: if your Thanksgiving host says: “we need to have an honest conversationIt’s time to make different Thanksgiving arrangements, because your misery is almost assured. You will not have a pleasant time in this house. Whether it’s the six feet between each chair, the obligatory mask for apologizing in the bathroom, or the need to eat in the backyard in individual protective pods, this won’t be a gathering that deserves. to be assisted.

Don’t worry, though, you could just ask your guests to take a quick test before they leave their home and enter yours. Sounds less intrusive than asking for immunization status, doesn’t it? While you’re at it, offer full blood tests between dinner and dessert to get a full picture of your guests’ health, then either serve or deny them the pie based on their results:

That’s another suggestion: require guests to take a quick test directly before assembling. “If it’s positive, it’s probably a legitimate reason not to show up at someone’s house. If it’s negative, you want to make sure you have that against the background of the absence of symptoms, ”Dr. Barron said. “No test is perfect, and you don’t want to be the one to show up and give everyone COVID.”

Funny how Dr Barron points out that even if the rapid test you give your guests is negative, there is still reason to be skeptical. No test is perfect, she says, so maybe you demand two quick tests, or maybe three for loved ones you really not trust. Either way, the more the merrier, so quick tests on entering the house, quick tests before dinner, after dinner and before your guests leave will ensure that you will never be asked again. ‘welcome Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, as doctors point out, requiring your guests to be vaccinated will not be enough to protect everyone since vaccination is not 100% protection:

Vaccination is not 100% perfect – the sneaky delta variant can cause breakthrough infections – but it lowers your risk of infection by at least 70% and up to 90%, depending on the type of vaccine you have. have received and whether you have received a booster.

In that case, you’ll need a Thanksgiving vaccination warrant coupled with frequent rapid testing of your guests, eating and mingling exclusively outside, and having half of your family sitting in your neighbor’s yard just right. to be safe. Even it sounds risky, but it can win the coveted Dr Fauci Seal of misery.

Ultimately, Dr Fauci says that if you are vaccinated and have received your vaccine booster, you may want to consider a semblance of a normal Thanksgiving:

“If you’re vaccinated – and I hope you’ll be boosted as well – and your family is, you can enjoy a typical Thanksgiving meal, a Thanksgiving holiday with your family,” Fauci said in an interview. with Martha Raddatz. “There is no reason not to.”

So that’s it, no vaccine and no booster, so that’s a no-no to all the guests who don’t meet these criteria. In fact, you should probably stop talking to these people altogether until they realize why they are wrong.

As experts have also pointed out, it is too late for any of your guests to be “fully vaccinated” before entering your home and starting to spread their Covid germs. They need a full two weeks after their last dose to be able to join the First Class family in a Zoom session, but why give them access at all? Shame is the best option for them to to learn.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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